One big thing in my self awareness journey is gaining self confidence. I never really let it show but I used to be super insecure. Always worried about what others thought of me, what others said about me, if people really liked me for who I am. Or atleast the adaptation of me that I let them see.
I always changed that adaptation to what I thought would please those around me. Some got the quiet, reserved side. Very few got the extrovert, boisterous side. I never truly let myself shine.
It was never their fault really. It was mine. I wasn’t proud of myself. I was not comfortable enough with who I am to let others see that side of me.
One factor that played into it was my body. I became super insecure of my body after having my oldest child. I didn’t show with her until I was 6 months pregnant because I had a small tummy. Then with each pregnancy the tummy kept stretching and stretching. Now, I’m in no way trying to make excuses but I let myself go entirely. I became the mom who was entirely focused on my kids that I lost who I am outside of being Mom.
And that is something no one should ever do. I let myself go badly and it showed in my body. I was a smoker for over 12 years. I quit in January and that little boost of confidence created a snowball effect. I started doing exercises before bed and it made me so happy with myself when I noticed the difference in my stomach. I can tell when I sit and with me having to buy new pants because my old ones were getting saggy.
Now do not get me wrong. I believe women of all shapes and sizes are beautiful. This is not to bash on curvy women. This is to show what I did to become confident in myself. A lot of women are perfectly happy with their body and I applaud those women. I’m slowly becoming happy with mine.
Another factor that played into my self confidence was while I was worried about my kids and my husband’s well being, I completely forgot about myself. I didn’t pay attention to the physical and mental toll it was taking on me. But it became bright as day when I was questioning who I am, why I’m here, how can I be a better mom and wife. I can’t fill others cups with an empty cup.
Improving yourself, no matter what aspect it may be, to make yourself happy is the point I’m trying to make here. It may be taking some time for yourself and realizing it is okay to take some time for you. I don’t know when or how it became a social norm for mothers to drag themselves through the dirt to care for their family but it’s ridiculous to think a woman can forget about herself just because she has a family.
Or maybe you want to get down to a certain weight. Look at your daily schedule and find the time to go for a run or go to the gym. Or do like I do and do your exercises before settling down for the night.
Wear your self confidence like a badge and show it off to everyone. Through this crazy thing we call life do not lose sight of who you are. Do not lose sight of your goals and dreams. Having a family may cause a slight delay in our goal schedule but it is possible to chase your dreams while caring for your family. It is never too late to chase after what you want in life.
And, most importantly, remember to care for yourself. Indulge in yourself. Treat yourself. Be sure to put yourself first every so often. Your family needs you to be healthy, both physically and mentally, to care for their well being. You’re not alone and there are no instruction manuals. We are all simply doing what we think is best and what we think will provide for our family.