Mind over matter

This is going to be a hard topic for me to discuss. This will be where I open up and be truthful about who I was in my past. I will let you see the mistakes I know I’ve made, how I just recently learned that I made the mistakes and I need to own up to them, and how I learned not to let them affect my future.

For the past several years I was a quitter. No joke. When something made me mad, I quit. When something didn’t go as I wanted or expected, I quit. When a job didn’t live up to my expectations, I quit. This created a pattern of people seeing me as unreliable and for the longest time I couldn’t see how it was affecting me. I am embarassed for how I was in the past but to move forward, I must own up to it and admit it so I know to never do it again.

When it came to my previous jobs, I let things bother me that I should’ve just brushed off. I let poor management affect who I was as an employee. I allowed myself to become the employee that everyone put the extra weight on. I was that employee who picked up the slack of other employees, and sometimes management. Yeah I would speak with my supervisor or my supervisor’s supervisor but nothing ever changed. I was still expected to pick up all the slack. Now when I say pick up the slack I’m not referring to being a part of the team. There is a difference between doing your part of a team effort and picking up the slack of what your co-workers are not doing that they should be doing. 

What alot of people don’t understand of this is that when you have one employee who is doing their job plus picking up the slack for others, it creates a feeling inside that employee that their efforts alone are not good enough. They must over burden themselves in order to reach any further reviews, raises, apprecation from supervisors to climb the corporate ladder. Employees don’t quit jobs. They quit management. I say this a lot and I mean it when I say it– We work to live. We do NOT live to work. 

By no means am I making excuses. I made the decisions that I did and I let the environment around me influence those decisions. I didn’t keep a strong mindset to offset all that was influencing my mistakes.  I let others affect who I am. That’s a tough thing to admit because those same people who I was letting dictate how I felt and what I did or say were not in charge of my life.  In order to grow I have to let go of what others do, say, or think of me.

Becoming self-aware is a very important step in moving forward from your current situation. I have become very self-aware in the past year. I have recognized my pattern. I have acknowledged my poor behavior. And now I have been working on setting my mindset so I never set myself up for failure ever again.

I will never let myself quit when something doesn’t work like I expect it to. I am an impatient person. I know this of myself but I am going to push myself to be more patient and understand that some things (most things) take time before the true result is produced.

“Stop apologizing for being who you are and become who you were meant to be.”-Rachel Hollis

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